Publishing anonymously is much harder than I ever imagined (if having people read your work is the objective, of course). If you happen upon this and are even a tad intrigued, I would be so grateful if you could subscribe (for free) and share with your own network.
So why am I publishing anonymously (leading potentially to words that will never be read by an actual human being and only the chotbots that are scraping content for their new LLM iteration!)?
After watching the trailer, you may have concluded that the reason for publishing these newsletters under the silly nom de plume “Chester Prynne” is to shield my real identity from the reputational damage of the secrets I am divulging. Although I’d like to avoid having my mother hearing about my sex life, the anonymity was always intended to protect the other key figures in this story. I am, of course, not really Chester Prynne and the pseudonym is less my own veil and rather a veil of protection for the others caught up in my story.
Some of the more prominent characters are responsible for horrible acts of betrayal and for inflicting egregious emotional abuse. Not a day has gone by when I wonder whether I should be shielding and protecting these people. I have spent the past two years waking up every morning feeling a powerful urge to find justice (revenge?); to tell the world who these people are and what they did.
Along the way, I started to write down the details of their betrayals, including timelines of events and descriptions of the impact it had on me. I began to realize how therapeutic the writing was and it soon evolved into a story that I became increasingly convinced needed to be told so that I could reclaim my voice and confidence. At the same time, I realized that I could use my story as a platform for starting a conversation on a much bigger issue which will become apparent as the story progresses.
One of the betrayals was being silenced. I was placed in an impossible position of staying silent - and even lying - or destroying the life of the person I had loved more than anything. This is my vehicle for finally speaking the truth; not only “my” truth - revealing the secrets I was forced to keep about what happened to me - but also the truth about topics with much wider significance than my own personal grievances.
My experience is important because I believe it should raise questions desperately in need of sunlight and dialogue. I don’t have answers to those questions as I, like any human being, lack any claim to ultimate truth. The larger answers may not arrive easily or without conflict - or ever resolved at all. The search for truth is never easy and I caution readers that the questions that arise will be uncomfortable, potentially divisive, and even painful for some.
In fact, it is very likely the issues involved will undoubtedly generate very strong feelings and further polarize people who are already far too polarized. I am prepared to be viewed by many, but hopefully not by all who read this, as the villain in his own story.
I can assure you I am not depicted heroically in this tale. If anything, I will likely be seen as the deeply flawed, immoral and sinful person I am who is ultimately responsible for his own pain and confusion. This is not my confession for divine absolution - that will come in other forms. But I have determined it will be easier for me to handle being defamed and criticized as the villain than to have to continue the heavier burden of silence any longer.
Should this veil be involuntarily pulled away, I beg that you aim any of your criticism and anger at me and me alone, and allow everyone else - whether or not adjacent to these events - to remain anonymous.
I will release the first chapter no later than June 26 and once there are a minimum of 100 subscribers, I will start releasing the additional chapters every week thereafter. Help me make that happen by telling your friends and network to subscribe for free.
Your feedback is what I will value most, so please share your thoughts, ideas and general reaction! Thank you dear reader.
The Shame of Chester Prynne Trailer